State of Mind

My film State of Mind is just the beginning of the story of my mental state. I thought what better way to portray how I’m feeling than by going to the source. I am someone who has heightened anxiety. It…

State of Mind

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My film State of Mind is just the beginning of the story of my mental state. I thought what better way to portray how I’m feeling than by going to the source. I am someone who has heightened anxiety. It is something I am growing to live with rather than fight. Over the past couple of months, I have been working on ways to calm myself when I start to panic. Judging by the state of the world at the moment it hasn’t been really helping the process. Since my mind always wants to retreat into the defensive, I thought it would be best to lean into that fear making my film. It has been a challenge making this film in a multitude of ways not just physically but mentally. First off by having the limitation of staying home it has been hard to find a space to move in. When I do stress out I like to dance because I can feel as though all my worries glide off my fingertips as I move. I’m no longer the girl who protects everyone but herself in that moment. I am just a person moving through the space wherever that may be. Since I live in a fairly small house I don’t have the space to move everything out of my body, luckily, I have the outdoors. I would say the most difficult challenge I had to face was myself. I was so lost, scared, and angry at the start of quarantine and not much has changed but I realize why. The whole time I was just angry at myself. Angry I couldn’t help anyone or do anything. I tend to find my self worth in my compassion for others and when I thought that was taken away I didn’t know who I was. Having all this time to reflect and think on who I am, I realized I can always be there for people virtually or physically but I should also be there for myself. I can’t go give out advice and be to stubborn to apply it to myself. I’m not just a friend but I am also a daughter, a sister, a dancer, a student, an artist, and most importantly a person. I need to be kinder to myself to know true balance. That is why this film means so much to me. I was trapped in my own mind but now I see that I was the one holding the keys.

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